In my bathroom, I sit locked in a cage. Steel bars of vanity close in around me, it’s hard to breathe.
Examining every flaw. List of things I hate today… legs, nose, large pores, are those more wrinkles on my face?
In the kitchen, I struggle. I’m afraid of pizza.
What do I value? What will last? My mind wanders as I imagine an accident and losing control of my vanity. Or does my vanity control me?
I dread summer. I hate swimming. No, I love swimming, I hate swimsuits, my body in a swimsuit. I’m ashamed.
Will my girls feel this way?
May it never be.
I am tired of being The Very Vain Christian!
I speak truth to the liar.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genisis 1:27
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
I am created by The Artist. I bear His image and contain His Spirit. Is that not beautiful enough for me?
I am forced to dig deep and ask the hard questions.
How do I spend my time?
Where do I spend my money?
What is my foundation built on?
The question has never been am I enough for Him, but is He enough for me?
Ann Voskamp said it best. What I really want, is what I really worship. I am worshipping disordered loves over my first love. I have forgotten that if I love the cross, I will die to the things I love. I am what I love. I am what I want. So I have to ask, do I most love the One who has loved me to death?
A shackled prisoner who’s been set free so many times. He rescues me again and again. Desperately wicked heart pulling away. Desiring more of what’s less. My eyes look up to Heaven, and everything else falls into place. Look up. Look up.
My pride blinds me to my self-worship. My gaze falls in my despair. Look up.
Trained by the world, an apt pupil. I am a consumer of lies. Look up.
Teach me to look up Lord. Teach me to seek first the kingdom of Heaven so all you can add all things. Rescue me again. I’ve traded in your grace for shame. Teach me to love you to death, death to myself.
Make me new Lord.