As a parent I have had the pleasure of experiencing some amazing milestones, and events. Then there are moments that make me want to scream. These are those moments:
Did You Know:
– Baby boys when placed on the make-shift changing table in your tiny bathroom can pee into the bathroom vent every. single. time.
– Placing a child in the air directly over your mouth after they just finished a bottle is a BAD idea. Saying he spit-up is an understatement.
– Some toddlers like to play in their own poop. I have experienced this with not three, but ALL four children. My only solution to date: Duct Tape.
– When the phone rings, it activates the evil stored up in a child. Suddenly they are doing things they would have never done before, like painting the walls with marshmallow fluff. Oh, and you better hope you’re not on the phone with a business associate because that released the ultimate evil! You might as well run your own UFC show in their bedrooms because the gloves are coming off and they are fighting to the death. And what are you doing while this is happening? If your like me your chasing them around the house pointing your finger at them while you whisper “I’m gonna kill you when I get off this phone!”.
– You can get banned from the library? It’s true! When your toddler boys tear a few books, they give you one warning, and when you return the second set of torn books and explain that your toddlers dragged a stool into the bedroom and grabbed all the library books from the top of the bookshelf where you hid them (while they were supposed to be napping), they will look at you like you’re crazy, and ask you not to return.
– Your toddlers will find it fascinating to go through your friends house placing all of her toothbrushes and toothpaste in the closest toilets. Don’t worry, if she’s a good friend she won’t accept the replacement brushes, and will invite you back.
– You don’t want to be invited back though. Because this time they will do far more damage. More damage than soggy toothbrushes you ask? Oh yeah! It’s a little thing I like to call The Smear Brothers Take Down. Basically what the toddlers do id find the most expensive lipstick in the house (did I mention this is your friends favorite RETIRED, lip color), and they smear it into her cream colored carpet.
– You can be more embarrassed at church than anywhere else. When your son hits his Sunday School teacher and she tells you about it in a way that makes you feel like the WORST parent ever, you may just spend 20 minutes crying in the church parking lot, and thinking “what is wrong with you child?”.
– Children are sneaky. When you think they are sleeping peacefully in their beds, one of them has decided it would be a nice night to visit the ER (or Heaven). So she ingests 19 Triaminic Thin Strips with the help of your kitchen shears because she has a “feber”.
I think you get the point. My kids have spent most of their lives trying to make me scream! The good thing is that after a while the things that made you want to scream, will make you laugh!