Did I marry the wrong person? If you have ever asked yourself that question, you are NOT alone! That is the topic of today’s 30 Day Marriage Challenge post.
The simple answer is yes, you did marry the wrong person. The person you were supposed to marry was perfect for you. He/She would have loved you unconditionally, they would have never hurt you, they would have sacrificed their own desires for yours, and they would never leave you for another woman/man.
But guess what… The person you married, married the wrong person too. The simple fact that this question has crossed your mind, is just one of many examples of how you have let them down. You too have hurt your husband/wife, you too have been unkind and selfish.
The truth is that the “RIGHT” person only existed in the garden, and after the fall, we all became the “wrong” person. In a manner of speaking.
Maybe you married someone in a way that causes you to feel like your struggles in your marriage are the result of some kind of premarital sins. Maybe God didn’t lead you to marry your spouse, or you didn’t even know God when you got married. What about those circumstances?
If you did by chance get married in a way that may cause you to question whether the person you married, is the person God would have chosen for you, my answer for you is the same as it is to myself. I could question whether I married the right man because the first time we got married, we were already living together and not walking with God. Then the second time we got married, I could have seen my “forced divorce” as a way to be free from this man who committed adultery.
BUT I DON’T
Why? Well, for one I trust the sovereignty of God. God allowed me to marry my husband both times, and He really was leading me to do so the second time around so I shouldn’t even question that. What I have found is that often we question if we have married the wrong person when things are hard, or when we are hurt or angry with our spouse. Or when we realize that after all these years, we don’t have a lot in common.
My husband is the complete opposite of me in every single way possible. We often butt heads about, well just about everything. When I was single, I made my own choices and did what I thought was best 100% of the time. Now that I’m married, I have to work through things with a man who does not see things the way I do.
Does this mean I married the wrong person?
My husband knows how to push my buttons the way no one else can. When he hurts me, it hurts in a way no one else can hurt me. Would I be crazy to think that maybe just maybe, life would be easier with someone else? Someone a little more like me?!
Well, it may be easier, but I don’t think it would be nearly as profitable. I have learned more about God and myself through our hard times than I could have ever learned on my own, and I have grown and changed because of it.
What if God allowed me to marry this man, because He planned to use him in my life to make ME into a better, stronger, wiser person?
My point in all of this is that the men/women we are with, the ones we have made a lifelong commitment to, those are indeed the “right” people for us, in that they are the people God allowed us to marry (when He could have steered us any other way), and maybe instead of considering whether we married the wrong person, or should have married someone else, we should look at our relationships and the difficult times that come with them as God working in us. The only “perfect” person for you, was your husband/wife before the fall.
I will talk about this more in my next post Waiting For My Spouse To Change
Just a note: I would never condone any physical or emotional abuse. That is not the situation I am in at all, so I’m not addressing that type of “hurt” in this post. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help!